Pintrest

Needed to get this on pintrest....

I Heart Faces: Best Face in Feb.

Presenting, Mianna. On this sunny afternoon we were playing "Show Me {Emotion}". I said, "Show me 'Happy'" and this is the face I got. I know it made this momma pretty happy!

I heart Faces

My entry for this week's Anything But Faces challenge.

I love this picture. I actually took this a few weeks ago during in impromptu 'Show Me' session. I'd say, "Show me 'happy'" and she'd make this adorable happy face. Or sad or excited, etc. etc. Suddenly I saw her dirty finger nails and was horrified! So I made her pose them for me.

I just love the dirty nails and the skin tag thingies that turn up around the cuticles (name?). She's 100% girl. But this girl can get DIRTY! My lovely, dirty angel.

I love you, Mimi.

HCG.1 Day 16

Well...it's been a few days since I've posted and to tell the truth: I've had some HIGHS and I've had some LOWS. Literally.

I've lost 12 pounds since I've started (but 14 pounds if you count the 2 lbs I gained from the gorge days). I'm pleased with that. 12 pounds in 16 days - that aint bad.

But today I felt depressed.

* I realized my husband was going out of town for 3 days instead of only 2, like I thought.

* We took down our Christmas tree {not depressed because of the lack of Christmas but the fact that it's super hard work and frankly, manual labor makes me depressed}.

* Little Mr. Man decided to literally cry every waking moment today.

* And it's Saturday and I knew that I did NOT have my beloved noodles from Saigon In & Out to look forward to this evening.

* I actually gained .6 pounds from yesterday

All in all, I felt pretty lousy. And feeling lousy made me feel like eating.

I actually didn't take my injection today (again). I forget in the morning - or wake up late, like today - and by the time I think I have time to do it it's already 11AM. I'm not sure if I should still take it but it just feels too late. Plus I've been on my period this week and the protocol says to skip injections on your period. I have zero likelihood of being pregnant (thanks to my tubal) so I'm not sure I really have to skip but I ended up skipping twice this week just in case.

Let's see...

HIGHS

* I lost almost 2 lbs on day 13
* I didn't cheat at all on day 12 and lost a pound!
* My head hunger seems to be decreasing
* Realizing that I've been weighing the food WRONG this whole time...to my detriment. Such good news going forward!
* Realizing I'm at day 16! Only...10 to go if I decide to do the 26 day version!

LOWS

* Sneaking bites of Betzhi's amazing chicken, onion, mashed potato casserole yumminess. Even ice cold it was delicious!
* This caused me to only loose .4 pounds
* I've stayed in the same pound (only gaining and loosing oz) for the past 3 days

The biggest disappointment of all is knowing that if I'd stop 'tasting' foods I actually drop into a new set of ten's {for example, say I weigh 130....losing 1 pound would put me in the 120's!!}. I'm literally tasting too. No big forkfuls....just a tiny taste. Maybe 1/night for the past 3 nights.

I know. I know. Stop cheating!!

Tomorrow. I promise.

HCG.1 Day 15

Today I created a veritable HCG Masterpiece! It was divine!

3.5 oz baked chicken
handful of cherry tomatoes
crushed garlic
seasoned with salt & pepper

Heated in a skillet for a few minutes...with only water

ON TOP of the Melba Toast

It was freaking gourmet, people!

HCG.1 Day....I don't know

I'm having a super weak moment. There is this amazing casserole in the fridge (down stairs fridge so it's not so easily accessible) and my mind keeps wandering to it. Just a bite. Just another bite, I should say. Oh, Lordy. I need to go to bed.

More tomorrow...

HCG.1 Day 11

TEMPTATION GALORE!

Tonight I had to drive to LAX to pick up my sweet husband from the airport. He'd been in London for a week and I was so ready to see him that I didn't even want him to rent a car - I'LL COME GET YOU, HONEY!

Around 4:30PM - when I was JUST leaving to pick him up from a 6:45PM flight! - I realized this might be less fun than I first anticipated.

I thought New Baby and I would pop into Target to return Baby Girl's ballet slippers and...hmm...maybe take a look-see at the clearance deals. Well, no. I was rushing around the house trying to clean up until the very moment I left.

And 4:30PM on my way to LA. Right? Traffic was bad but I guess it could have been worse. I got there in time since he had to go thru customs and pick up luggage. We were headed home by 7:15PM.

And me without my food. Crap.

New Baby was getting fussy (after being a perfect angel for the 3 hour initial drive!!) and Hubs was hungry so we stopped at this sandwich place for dinner.

I told the guy, "I'm on a crazy diet where I can only eat chicken and lettuce and nothing else. Whatcha got?". He's all, "I can give you a dry side salad, no extras, add chicken." DONE. My sweet jet-lagged husband went ahead and ordered the ooey-gooey cheese dripping fried sourdough number that had me salivating at his every bite but whatever. I am woman.

Turns out the packet of chicken they put on the salad was 4 oz so I only had to take off a couple of pieces to feel like I had the 3.5 I'm allowed. That was a good deal b/c it seemed like a lot of chicken!

The biggest conundrum was: DRY GREENS. Gross, right? Well, while scanning the place for potential condiments my eyes happened upon the bowl of cut lemons next to the iced tea maker. BA-DING! I can have lemon! I squeezed 5 or 6 lemon wedges on those greens and lo and behold...it was damn tasty!! I ate everyone last bit of my dinner and it. was. good.

This was my first restaurant test and I think I passed with flying colors.

Oh, and they had this bread-side w/the salads. It smelled like I imagine all of Italy does - delicious. One day I'll go back to the sandwich shop and eat that bread. Mark my words.

I almost forgot the POINT of this message!

We got home around 9:30PM. Tired but happy. And what is the first thing I spy? A slice of Domino's pizza on the counter. As I gasp to turn my face from the offender my eyes land on a 1/2 eaten bowl of Saigon In&Out noodles that my sister left out. AGHH! Sput. Er. Eck. I gotta go!

After dunking my head in the toilet to pull myself out of the Tasmanian Devil episode my brain was having, I was presented with my I Love You gift from my London-come-lately sweetie pie: a box of Harrod's shortbread cookies.

These cookies make my gray clouds disappear. They right ALL the wrongs in the world. They are the sole meaning of life in a precious little tin box. And I can't even have one. Aggghhh....the pain and torture of it all.

Three of my most favorite edibles on earth sitting within my grasp. To deny myself like that was all at once the hardest thing I've had to endure on this diet and a moment I can truly be proud of myself. This is my burden. My cross to bear. I am not a slave to my wanton desires but the daughter of the Most High. Self-control is mine ONLY thru the saving Grace of God Almighty. I want to be there! That's my goal.

And the cookies are my goal prize. Truth.

HCG.1 Day Eight Part 2

I ate half of a jalapeno popper. They are small and I took one bite and it was delicious. Was it worth not loosing a pound tomorrow? Sigh, not sure yet.

I'll be really bummed if I don't loose any weight tomorrow because of a popper - something I would never have been tempted by pre-starvation. I'm more of a cheese stick girl.

The next logical question, I know, is "If you can not loose weight by a bite of a popper - HOW do you expect to maintain your weight once you're off of HCG?". I hear ya. But the difference is that I would never dream of trying to sustain a diet of 500 calories in real life. My Mom "Queen HCG" says that what I'm doing with this diet is resetting my metabolism. Retraining my hypothalamus gland. After I finish the 40 days on HCG, I'm supposed to maintain a diet of 1500 for another 40 days. South Beach basically. Steering clear of sugars and starches.

Geez. My 40 day journey just turned into 80!

But South Beach isn't so scary. Especially after being on this torture train for 40 days. In fact, I dream about South Beach during the day. Bring on the chicken! Bring on the steak! Bring on the veggies!

Now...what's for dinner?

HCG.1 Day Eight

Guess what, Party People?! I can drink VODKA on this diet. All I have to say is that it's way better going to bed drunk than hungry! ;)

Juuuuust kidding. I had one cocktail last night: 1 part vodka, 2 parts club soda, 3 lime slices, 3 frozen strawberries and 1/2 packet of Stevia.

Right?!? It was yummy. I might have this for lunch! No food...just drink.

Anywho. Yesterday I lost 2 lbs which was really fun. This morning I lost another pound. All in all, I've lost about 10 pounds since last Friday (but keep in mind, I gained 2 pounds after the fat loading days).

I was hungry the past two. So hungry that my stomach literally growled out loud one time. The hunger seemed to pass quickly because it wasn't debilitating or anything. In fact, I was surprised to hear the tummy rumble at all. I figured I was either becoming less head hungry or the hormone was kicking in and taking care of the hunger.

Well....today I realized that there's a really good possibility that I've been injecting myself with AIR for the past two days. You know, as I think about the facts, I'm positive. So, for the past two days I've basically been starving myself. But truthfully, after having been on the diet for six days already, I know my appetite has shrunk and maybe my body was a little used to consuming so little food because at the end of the day I wasn't withering away from hunger.

This may account for the 2 pound loss the other day.

I took the injection today so we'll see if I feel any different physically.

We bought talapia at Whole Foods yesterday (on sale for $4.99/lb!). It was delicious. Salt, pepper, lemon juice, lemon salt, garlic....yum yum. Side of steamed asparagus. Tasty to my taste buds.

The night before I made hamburger patties with diced onion (not really supposed to mix foods like that but I did), fresh thyme, salt and pepper. And on the side we had sliced cucumber soaked in cider vinegar.

The food is good. It's the portion sizes I take issue with. I'm done eating in about 1 minute. Two bites of meat. Four bites of veggie. I swallow the Melba toast whole.

The point of eating dinner should be an enjoyable experience, right? Do skinny people have a different mind set here? Is the point of a great date not the food? Is it really a celebration without appetizers and dessert? Is there even a movie happening at all if there's no popcorn with extra butter present?

These are the thoughts I'm dealing through.

I've always been fascinated that Kevin can leave ONE french fry on his plate. What is that? "I'm full" he says. SO AM I but I'm not fool enough to leave one lone french fry?! There are people starving to death is Africa, honey. And so I eat his fry.

I could eat a whole pizza in one sitting - no problem. I could. And thinking about it now makes me want to do just that. One of those preservative-filled Totino's frozen pizza!! Covered in ranch. Ok. I'll stop now.

So....it's Noon.

It's happy hour somewhere, right? CHEERS

HCG.1 Day Six part 2

It's the evenings that get me.

I can go all day without eating but I love to eat in the evening. Family dinner or date dinners with Kev. Snacking on the couch after the kids go to bed. Late-late night snack. We stay up pretty late around here. Happy Eating!

Over the last couple of days I've listed to two podcasts from Focus on the Family. The guest was Lysa TerKeurst, author of the book Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire With God, Not Food.

She sort of rocked my world, actually. She read the entire Bible from the prospective of a person who struggles with food and found SO many amazing verses and applications. If you're interested, you can find the two-part interview here and here or here. I wouldn't be able to do her interview justice in this blog but she really spoke to my heart. If you have an unhealthy relationship with food, I encourage you to check it out and I'd love to know your thoughts.

* Food should NOT consume me. Consume. Get it?

* Cravings are from God and completely Biblical...how am I using FOOD to take the place of God?

* I was born to crave (to want deeply, desire greatly)...am I craving the One I was born to crave more of??

* Matt 6:25

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"

I think I have always taken this scripture (especially the bold text) completely wrong. He says to not WORRY about things. This is not a verse talking about vanity. Or an easy go-to excuse for eating whatever I want or look good or bad ("because He loves me just as I am!"). It's about putting my focus in the wrong place. Because...

*Matt 6:32-34

"For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first (CRAVE!) his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

I'm getting the book. There was a lot of good stuff in the interview. For crying out loud, she read the whole Bible from the perspective a person with food issues! And took from that experience that food issues are a big deal.

Think of Esau giving up his birthright for a bowl of soup!

For that matter, think of EVE! The fall of man. An apple. I mean, come on!?

It's interesting. I look forward to learning more.

I was really struck by what Lysa said toward the end of the second interview. She talked about Triggers and Truths. She tweeted recently "We must deal with triggers - identify places of emotional emptiness and admit how futile it is to try and fill those with food". On Facebook she writes, "‎The only way to negate my eating triggers that will inevitably come is to match them with God's truth."

Mateo's crying fits make me want to slam my head into the fridge (hopefully landing on something soft and tasty...). I recognize that I was dealing with a frustration trigger here. So I pray. For Mateo. For his mom. For my kids. For the school. For the teachers. For the families of the kids that go to school...I think you get my point.

Once I took my mind off the desire to fix my frustration (trigger) with food - I was able to have a really sweet prayer time. It was great!

My other triggers seem to include stress, fatigue, HAPPINESS!, boredom, anxiety and road trips. :) I could link a verse to (almost) every one of these triggers. Ultimately, the anecdote - the TRUTH - is to put my full focus on God. I've let food fill parts of my soul that are the exact area's God wants to take over. It's a win-win. AND I get to loose weight along the way? How sweet are you, God?!

Anyway, when I mentioned fasting the other day. This is the role I had in mind but didn't have time to explore. Then came Lysa and her words of wisdom and it all became clear. I'm so stoked.

Not to be on this hellacious diet. I'm not stoked on that. I'm sincerely excited to grow closer to God and to fix the parts of my heart, mind, body that are out of focus. It's good.

And it's late. And I'm hungry.

But my heart is content.

HCG.1 Day Six

Yesterday I lost 1 pound.

Today I lost 2 pounds.

We had to take a day trip to LA yesterday. I love road trips. Even short ones. But guess what. Part of why I love road trips is because I give myself a Free Pass w/regard to food. Convenience store snacks (big coke, bag of Cool Ranch Doritos....maybe even an order of cheese nachos or taquitos). Fast food. Ice cream stops. Starbucks breakfast sandwiches! Oh me oh my. My love affair with food. So deep it goes.

But yesterday, I stuck to the diet protocol (that's what we HCGers call it: The Protocol). Packed myself 3.5 oz of cooked chicken, cut up tomato, Melba toast and small apple. Nalgeen of water and a green iced tea. There was still the convenience store stop (big muffin for Mia and bottled Frapp for Kevin). I abstained. Growling tummy and all.

On our way back to town we stopped at Target. Coke and popcorn, yes?? No. Kevin and Mia ate lunch together while Mateo (aka That Screaming Baby in Target Yesterday) shopped. Ok...ok. Nodding head. Gaining confidence. I can maybe do this.

A road trip w/o fun food?? Who knew??

For dinner: roasted chicken, sauteed onion, Melba toast

The rest of the fam had roasted chicken and leftovers. I'm desperately trying to clear out the fridge of all good-tasting things. {I'm hyper-aware of the beer bread sitting on the bottom shelf}

That night, I actually skipped my evening fruit. I'm still not sure how that happened? I was definitely hungry. I definitely wanted the orange. But I made a choice to go without last night. Weird. My mom had skipped her fruit the night before so I guess that planted a seed but when it came down to it I didn't eat it.

Anyway, I lost 2 pounds this morning so that was fun. I dropped into a set of 10's I haven't seen in a long time. You know, if I weighed 130 yesterday today I weighed 128. That was fun.

Today I have been less hungry than the past few days. Appetite shrinking? Accepting my fate? Maturing in all human ways? Who can say, really?

My sweet husband left on a business trip today. Wouldn't it be fun if I could lose 6 pounds before he gets home? Hubba hubba wink wink ;))

HCG.1 Day Four

Lost 2 lbs +/- 1 lb.

Yesterday I bought a digital scale. Before that I had a completely retro dial scale which was a problem for two reasons:

1. The little notches were too far away for my old people eyes to see accurately
2. It kept getting off kilter. Yesterday I thought I LOST 5 lbs until I stepped off the scale and realized the dial was pointed to -5 instead of 0.

....and then I read books to Brody and fell asleep for the night....

HCG.1 Day Three

First day on 500 calories.

Let's start with the important stuff. Here is what I ate today:

10:30AM - (1) cut up Roma tomato with salt
10:50AM - Venti black iced tea with 1/2 a packet of Stevia
11:00AM - 3oz of cut up baked chicken with salt & pepper + (1) Melba toast
2:00PM - (1) small, cut up apple
2:30PM - second Venti black iced tea with 1 Splenda

5:30PM - 3oz beef patty (so small it mostly resembled a large meat ball) mixed with garlic and seasoned with salt & pepper + 1/2 onion, sauteed in water and cider vinegar with salt and pepper

8:00PM - (1) Navel orange
10:30PM - a Nalgeen of water

Oooooh Kaaayyyy.

This diet sort of sucks.

Kevin said to me, "I have to believe you'd rather work out at 6AM than put yourself through this torture." Unfortunately, that is not true. To believe that you'd have to assume that I value food over sleep. THAT is ridiculous. It's why I don't get out of bed for breakfast. I'd rather sleep no matter what they're serving.

I got really, really hungry today. I really did. BUT the larger problem (and truth of the matter) is that not being able to graze. There are some TJ pecan sandies in the cupboard that I normally would have snacked on while cooking dinner.

Not to mention the post dinner 'clean-up snacking'.

"Oh, Brody didn't eat that bread...hmm...would hate to see that go to waste". {POP! into my mouth}.

"I do not want to put this little amount of pasta into the fridge." {POP!}.

"What? Mia didn't finish her last two chicken nuggets?" {POP!}.

This might be the biggest and hardest lesson for me to learn in this process. Eating at eating times. Realizing that the 1-2 extra Nips throughout the day really add up to something. {Note to self...get rid of the Nips}.

Tonight I made 9 bean soup with TJ's beer bread and cottage cheese + apple sauce for the fam. It smelled so good. I especially wanted to wolf down a few slices the bread slathered with butter. So instead, I picked up Brody's bread plate, held it up to my nose and inhaled for 3 long seconds. Pathetic, I know. You should have seen my sweet (skinny) husband's expression. "Aghast" is a good word for it. But honestly...it actually helped tame my lusty bread desires.

Below is a side-by-side of our dinners tonight. Yep, this is what a plate of Melba toast, sauteed onions and beef hockey puck looks like. Bon appetite.

I didn't take a body picture today. Maybe tomorrow. OR! I think I might pull out a pair of 'goal weight' pants :) Whoa...if I could get into my wedding dress...

IF I CAN FIT INTO MY WEDDING DRESS AGAIN I think I'll try to convince Kevin to let us get new wedding photos taken!

That's a good 9 year anniversary gift idea, right?

Also, my 20 year reunion is this year. I have to remember such things if I'm going to survive this.

HCG.1 Day Two

Second Fat Loading day and I feel like a cow. Here's the food run-down:

Home-made French Toast - three huge slices

Two plates of "nachos college-style". A plate of chips with shredded cheese on top. Micro for 35 seconds. Top with full-fat Ranch and some green onions I happened to have on hand. Pepper.

There was an afternoon yellow cupcake with chocolate icing in the late afternoon.

Dinner was an entire order of chicken fettuccine Alfredo from Presto Pasta.

** this is about the time that I literally had to stop moving so as to prevent spontaneous vomit reaction. I was SO full I literally felt greasy.

I also became keenly aware that I could actually feel my second chin growing.

And then there was the popcorn with extra butter.

Two hours after dinner and tasting de-vine. Whilst stuffing butter soaked popcorn into my fat mouth and contemplating slipping into a food-induced coma, I thought..."Man, I never got a Coke today. Crap."

See you 40 days, vicious friend.

I gained one pound this morning. I'm betting I gain at least 2 tomorrow.

I feel like a moose.

Oh! I wonder? Should I post before/after shots? Bikini? Not. I actually regret not taking a pic of my food today. I would sincerely love it if I became repulsed by seeing the amount of food I ate today. You would, Internet. I'm sure of.

It was kinda weird eating like that in broad daylight (in front of Kevin). Those are the sort of experiences I usually like to keep hidden - like in a closet. Or my car. Or when the hubs is out of town and no one is watching. Sort of surreal like, is this really happening? Am I actually eating like this in waking hours?

Tomorrow is my first 500 calorie day. I'll try to remember to post pics of my "new" portion sizes. Eek. Nervous.

Going to bed now. I'm sure I'll have stomach flu nightmares. Or that I'm eating my childrens legs or something sick like that. You don't eat this bad without that sort of stuff.

Last minute thought...I'm going up use these 40 days as a fast as well. I'll explore that thought tomorrow.

HCG.1 Day One

I'm not about to post my start weight but let's just agree that it's significant...thankfully I have the good fortune of seeing it every day on the log I'm keeping.

Regardless.

The day stated with a weigh-in. I immediately wanted to slip into a depression, sluff down a bag of jumbo marshmallows and get back into bed. But, with the encouragement of my mother - who is here for the next 11 days - I overcame.

Then we injected ourselves with the HCG. I feel like that is a sentence I'm going to be horrified by in 20 years. There are other variations of HCG that you can drop onto your tongue but according to my verteran-HCG Mom, they are less effective at staving off the hunger than the injection kind.

Tiny needles. No pain.

Then I took off running. Brody to school, 20 minutes in the classroom and off to the grocery store for formula. That's about the time I realized I was really hungry! After trying to avoid looking at any and all foods at the grocery store I paid and ran, screaming from the store.

That is about the time that I realized this is a GORGE day! So, for the first two days on HCG you get to gorge on fat. Don't ask why. I'm not the answer-girl here. My mom has done all the research and I'm going with it.

So, today I ate:

A huge jelly-filled donut from Spudnuts
Half a bag of Trader Joe's baked onion rings (think Funions)
A big mac, french fries and two huge cokes

It's 4PM and this has been my intake so far. Can I just say, I'm having a blast.

How often do you get to just PIG out?!? I mean, honestly? A Big Mac? I might be overweight but I haven't tasted a Big Mac in years. It was delicious.

You're supposed to be a little more strategic in your fat loading days -- like eat high fat things that are just empty calories. Avocados, eggs, bacon, cheesecake, etc. But I felt like a bag of onion rings and french fries. What can I say? I can feel the weight attaching itself to my chin, belly and butt cheeks as I sit here sucking down my gigantic Coke. And I'm wallowing in it.

But truly. I'm looking forward to being uninterested in these foods. I've been thin before. Lots of times :) And every time I kicked the food habit I eventually stopped craving the junk food fare. It's my mom's 4th round and she instinctively rejected the apple fritter I brought her. She ate it but it wasn't with the joy and fervor with which I ate my 6" strawberry and creme pastry. Delish.

No Coke for 40 days . No joke. I just sighed mournfully at the very thought. My dear, sweet, killer-in-a-cup Coca Cola. How I love thee. I literally look forward to Coke. It's like a highlight in my helter-skelter day and probably the thing I will most miss on this journey.

Tonight I will be eating #33A {Chicken curry noodles - extra noodles, thank you} and maybe a pint of cinnamon ice cream?

Then tomorrow is another Fat Loading day. Oh, the possibilities.

It's scary to me that I'm not stuffed right now. This is how big my stomach (and appetite) has become. That I'm looking forward to another of day of eating crap is also kind of scary.

But the point here is to be honest and candid (w/o disclosing my actual weight) and that is what I intend to do.

Journey on HCG

I'm taking a risk here people.

Not by injecting myself with HCG. Or attempting to survive on a diet of 500 calories for 40 days (yes, 500 calories).

I'm risking humiliation and failure by POSTING about it on the Internet!

So, don't judge me if I fail. And bear with me while I vent when I get frustrated. And please, for the love of all fat girls everywhere, tell me I look thin the next time you see me. Thank you.

Stated publicly, I'd like to lose 20 lbs on this round. Honestly, that feels like a drop in the bucket considering the amount of weight I've gained over the past 5 years (thank you, children). But it would be really cool to see some numbers drop on the scale and might just be the kick in the pants I need to get rid of the rest.

Wish me luck.

I'll need it.

For more on HCG - Google it. There is a ton of info online and the sites explain it better than I ever could.