Is this the body of simply overweight woman? Is there any question as to whether or not this woman is pregnant?!? My sweet and very tiny girlfriend, Tessalita was recently asked if she was expecting. Horrifying and devastating at any weight or confidence level. To comfort her, I shared that I, in my final 6 weeks of pregnancy, have been asked a couple of times if I'm pregnant. Excuse me? The alternative MUST be that they wonder if I've become this rotund do to a few too many Double Doubles Animal Style! So far, I've answered, "A little." and "Yes, I am." but I swear the next time I'm asked I'm going to say, "No...it's a tumor." I guess people don't deserve that as they are genuinely trying to not offend me, I guess.
Is it ever ok to assume a woman is pregnant? As I sit here enduring another Braxton Hicks contraction, I feel like the answer is YES. Maybe if I had one of those cute outie belly buttons. That's a tell-tale sign of a pregnant belly. Instead, my belly button offers a Grand Canyon effect under the cloak of my tight t-shirts. Which is odd b/c it's literally flush against my mound. Invention idea!!! I'm going to create an outie belly button for pregnant women who don't have one! It'll be like a neon sign: THIS IS A PREGNANT TUMMY...
On a side note, many of you know that I am oft confused for store employees. I can be pushing Brody in a shopping cart and someone will ask me, "Do you work here?". One time I was 9 months pregnant with Brody, wearing a skirt and flip-flops and sitting on a chair in Home Depot because my ankles were swelling by the second and a (nice enough) man had the very nerve to look me up and down and ask if I worked there. I saw it coming but was still shocked. I sort of threw out my hands like "Hello? Am I wearing an bright orange apron with "You Can Do It and We Can Help" printed on the front?! And have you noticed my huge pregnant belly!??!" and ignored the question completely. The fake outie might have served me well here.
Well, twice this week someone has dared to ask me for help. Just this morning I dragged Kevin to our local flee market in search of the perfect changing table for Baby Sister. At one point, I'm standing by a table actually looking for some help when I lock eyes with a man who is also apparently looking for some help and I think...here we go. Sure enough, "Do you work here?". Today I said, "I have my purse on my shoulder...do I look like I work here?". Lord, forgive me. I've had enough. He made an 'eek' face and said "Sorry" and I immediately felt bad. But kinda good too.
So, to answer all annoying questions in one post...
1. Yes, I'm pregnant. Jerk.
2. No, I don't work here. Dammit.