Is this the body of simply overweight woman? Is there any question as to whether or not this woman is pregnant?!? My sweet and very tiny girlfriend, Tessalita was recently asked if she was expecting. Horrifying and devastating at any weight or confidence level. To comfort her, I shared that I, in my final 6 weeks of pregnancy, have been asked a couple of times if I'm pregnant. Excuse me? The alternative MUST be that they wonder if I've become this rotund do to a few too many Double Doubles Animal Style! So far, I've answered, "A little." and "Yes, I am." but I swear the next time I'm asked I'm going to say, "No...it's a tumor." I guess people don't deserve that as they are genuinely trying to not offend me, I guess.
Is it ever ok to assume a woman is pregnant? As I sit here enduring another Braxton Hicks contraction, I feel like the answer is YES. Maybe if I had one of those cute outie belly buttons. That's a tell-tale sign of a pregnant belly. Instead, my belly button offers a Grand Canyon effect under the cloak of my tight t-shirts. Which is odd b/c it's literally flush against my mound. Invention idea!!! I'm going to create an outie belly button for pregnant women who don't have one! It'll be like a neon sign: THIS IS A PREGNANT TUMMY...
On a side note, many of you know that I am oft confused for store employees. I can be pushing Brody in a shopping cart and someone will ask me, "Do you work here?". One time I was 9 months pregnant with Brody, wearing a skirt and flip-flops and sitting on a chair in Home Depot because my ankles were swelling by the second and a (nice enough) man had the very nerve to look me up and down and ask if I worked there. I saw it coming but was still shocked. I sort of threw out my hands like "Hello? Am I wearing an bright orange apron with "You Can Do It and We Can Help" printed on the front?! And have you noticed my huge pregnant belly!??!" and ignored the question completely. The fake outie might have served me well here.
Well, twice this week someone has dared to ask me for help. Just this morning I dragged Kevin to our local flee market in search of the perfect changing table for Baby Sister. At one point, I'm standing by a table actually looking for some help when I lock eyes with a man who is also apparently looking for some help and I think...here we go. Sure enough, "Do you work here?". Today I said, "I have my purse on my shoulder...do I look like I work here?". Lord, forgive me. I've had enough. He made an 'eek' face and said "Sorry" and I immediately felt bad. But kinda good too.
So, to answer all annoying questions in one post...
1. Yes, I'm pregnant. Jerk.
2. No, I don't work here. Dammit.
5 comments:
I didn't have an outie and I have to say that I think they are freakish and should be hidden. Seriously, it's kind of gross. My button just flattened right out. It was funny. Almost like someone took a brown marker and drew a 1 inch circle right in the middle of my belly.
Anywho, I think you should start offering to help people when they ask if you work there. I get asked that question all of the time, too. I really think that I obviously look like I know what I am doing. I can have a kid holding my hand and someone asks me if I work here. I'll say, "yes, it's bring your kid to work day." From now on tell them,"yes, and I am obviously on a smoke break!"
1. I didnt know outie equated to pregnant. I would just think it was strange.
2. about being asked for help, you gotta check this one out:
http://improveverywhere.com/2006/04/23/best-buy/
Andy...that is freaking hysterical. Thanks for turning me onto a new blog. Totally made my morning!
As far as the outie goes, yeah. Lots of women get outies when they're full-blown pregnant. Even if they didn't have one before. Weird, huh?
Did you actually see the video of them doing it? If not, search that site for it. Its awesome. I saw another one recently by this group, where they all just froze in the middle of grand central station, for like 10 minutes, and then picked right back up again.
Glad I helped your blog reading!
Read the entire blog entry with sheer delight and watched most of the videos. Another friend told me about some of their other pranks and I'm dying to see/hear more. I guess they are featured on a radio program called This American Life and I can download the podcasts...which I will be doing this weekend! As well as researching the IE blog thoroughly! Thanks again :)
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